hey everyone -

my biggest christmas wishes came true and i'm married to someone absolutely incredible! check out my new blog ... from thenest.com.

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love,

erin

Merry Christmas everyone! It's sure been an interesting one. Right now I'm kinda trying to pretend it's not, since that would be a little depressing - and it sure doesn't seem like Christmas outside! I don't know how warm it is, but it is def. sunny and just *looks* like any other day, lol. But anyway, it's def. not. It's the anniversary of the birth of Christ, and that's a BIG deal.

I must say, I was absolutely DREADING Christmas this year. I didn't have anyone to spend it with, and I was lookin forward to just getting THROUGH it - PAST it - DONE and OVER with it. hehe. But this past week has been really cool. On Christmas Eve Eve, Travis and I went to a Christmas Eve Eve service, and it was just neat to be back in church again (this time not alone) and to get to spend time with him! We went out to eat at Steaksmith (I think it was called), then walked around the mall and ate icecream. I had SUCH a good time. It was so good just gettin to talk to him. The next day (Christmas Eve), I worked and then Keith and I made up stories to tell each other. haha. Then Keith and I went shopping (at WalGreens, of all places! it was the only thing that was open! ) and then I went home to get ready for our Christmas Eve service. Travis and I called each other cuz we were tryin to match, within reason, and not be underdressed. So anyway, he showed up at the service in a full piece suit and looked great! And I showed up in my camel pencil skirt, my "wedding dress" white lacey top and my Express red Christmas sweater. I had put my hair in curlers and it was sure fluffy and wavy but not really curly, haha. Anyway, service was very very nice. It was candlelight, we sang a lot of songs, etc. I wished we would have had a chance to open our Bibles though. Anyway, we took communion too. And we both, by that night, had managed to find our Bibles! After service we went back out to the parking lot and Travis gave me this beautiful bag (it was super creative!) - red with green ribbon handles and a gold bow with red and blue curly ribbon coming down from the bow. I didn't even notice all that was in it until later, lol, but it was sooooo sweet!!!! There was a snowman doll dressed in GREEN!!!!!!! Evidently he had no clue of my love for santas in blue and snowmen in green, but wow! I would have loved anything, but yeah, it was super neat. He also wrote me just a wonderful card that meant a TON with a lil snowman drawing, hehe, and got me the new Carrie Underwood CD and told me to listen to Nmber Four - which is uncanny, because it's Jesus Take The Wheel - and I'd heard that song awhile back and just felt that it really related, and just kinda broke down in the car when I heard it. I had planned to download it or somethin, but like most things (haha), had just never gotten to it. And he said it just reminded him of me - how completely PERFECT is that?!?! It just meant so much. Then we went driving around, looking at Christmas lights, but we decided the rich people in Broadmoor were severely outdone this year by the night sky - the stars and city lights were much more beautiful, haha. Broadmoor didn't do a whole lot of lights this year. And we saw a real deer!!!!!! Eventually he dropped me off. And by that time it was 2 am or so. It was DEFINITELY the BEST Christmas Eve I've EVER had, and spendin time with him really made my holiday mean something. I don't even think I quite realize yet just how much better he made my holidays - it'll sink in at some time. But not only did I have someone to do something with, we had a blast and really looked into the real meaning of Christmas and it was with someone I care about. It was fantastic!!!!!!!!

     Well I think I'll go try to be productive and clean on this Christmas, but everyone have a great holiday! I'll talk to yall later!

Love,

Erin

dear world,

     erin marie had a very merry christmas eve eve. erin thinks she'll very likely also have a very merry christmas eve. and this will make up for erin's lack of a christmas.

     so erin is happy. erin can't wipe the smile off her face.

     and yes, erin is writing in third person. it's time for erin to go to bed, lol.

love,

erin

wow, it feels like i haven't blogged in forever, but i guess i blogged monday. so really it's been less than a week. maybe it's just been a long week, and maybe i've just been vague.

well, i'm sittin at my "old" apartment on a sunday evening. on thursday my dad came down to help me move to my new apartment, but i just really couldn't get too enthused in it, despite having paid for it, etc. i guess i was realizing that it really wasn't in a great part of town, that i was paying WAY too much for it, that not everything in the apartment worked, etc. i realized i wouldn't be there more than the one month i'd signed up for, so i just couldn't get "into" settling in, decorating, etc. so some stuff got moved, and i decided that i'd use it kind of as a place to get away to for a month - for the fitness center, to spend some nights in, just for kicks, to bake and take stuff back to my apartment, etc. but it doesn't have TV. or internet. and i NEED internet.

so anyway, i spent some time with my employee this weekend, Cindy. it's funny. she's a 2nd year attorney, SUPER sweet, 28 years old. she came in to shop at Bauer one day and i was helpin her and realized she was a COMPLETE sweetheart and that she'd do great at Bauer, so i asked her to fill out a part time seasonal app and of course we hired her. anyway, we became friends and it turns out she lives in a duplex in Old Colorado City and has been lookin for a roomie. rent would only be like 300 a month plus my share of utilities and internet access, and we'd share a kitchen and a living room and bathroom and yard, and i could use her washer and dryer, and i'd have my own room and then living area too. plus we could keep each other company some, even though we're both on the go a TON.

so anyway, i'm the queen of impulse decisions and i'm ticked at myself for not researching this other apartment more before paying for it, etc, but hey, it happens and soon i'll get deposits back from BOTH apartments (LOL) plus i'll be savin a TON in rent livin in the duplex with Cindy, so it'll be cool. i'm lookin forward to movin in around the first, and gettin a lil furniture.

last night i went out on a blind date sort of set up by a friend - it was TERRIBLE. not the friend's fault, but yeah, just horrible. lol. we met up at this random crappy club to go to a concert he wanted to go to, and i definitely ducked out early. at that point i was just about 5 minutes from the mall and i knew Keith was closin, so i called and told him i was comin in the store's back door. we hung out while he closed, then went to his apartment until about 1 am and had a lil vodka, cranberry juice and peanut brittle. LOL. yeah, i was plenty good enough to drive home - i always thought i'd be a crazy drunk and i WASN'T EVEN TIPSY last night, but anyway i have more of a feeling now that i'd be a sleepy drunk, lol. anyway, i have no intention of finding out. when i got home i was SO hungry and i felt soooooooooooo dehydrated, so i had an egg roll and a breakfast burrito and a bunch of diet root beer and water lol. that was it. then i went to work today.

other than that, not much has been up. our store starts liquidating tomorrow. i had about four days/nights of dates about two weeks ago that was totally awesome, but that collapsed.

i guess every day another adventure could be around the corner. i'll try to keep looking at it like that. i couldn't care less about Christmas this year. i wish life had a fast forward button, but it's probably good it doesn't - otherwise i'd always be pressing it.

erin

God's providence is amazing - that's something i should never forget, even when i don't think that i have a reason to remember it. He always has a plan, and everything works out for the good of those who love Him. that means that everything that happens, no matter how bad it may seem, happens for the best. i have to remember that. i just have to. i have no choice. its just stunning how ungrateful i can be - and i constantly go through these cycles in my life. i'll pray and beg God for petty things, and you know what, He provides - and then i just brush Him off. the other night i was really hungry and pay day was the next day and i didn't really need to go out and buy any food, so i was just prayin that i could dig up enough change around my room to go to the vending machine, LOL, and you know what - He provided. it was more than just a bag of chips and a pop, because that night i was really hurtin and it just meant something, you know? but at the same time i felt like a greedy kid, sitting there, eating my chips, drinking my diet pepsi, and not even saying so much as "thanks".

another one of those scenarios where it just seemed like God was really talking to me - which is just amazing in itself because i've been SOOOOOOOOOOO distant from Him lately - Saturday night i got in my car, just prayin that i wouldn't be let down but secretly figuring that i would be. i was about to go home, and either someone would be there, as they said, or they wouldn't - all my hopes were resting on them being there, but deep down i pretty much knew they wouldn't be. and that broke my fragile little heart, which was already broken but being held together by some thin hope of someone actually caring. saturday was the litmus test. i got in my car - the thing i'd been waiting to do all day - put the key in the ignition, turned it and the radio came on. the country station came on, straight to this exact verse and line "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." i LOVE that song! it'd been so long since i heard it that i'd completely forgotten about it. right then i pretty much knew i'd be spending the evening alone, but it helped me remember it was for the best.

so anyhow, my heart is up on a shelf for awhile. whoever wants it next will have to reach for it - and they won't even find out where i hid it for quite awhile at that, lol. reminds me of that emerson drive song.

i was reading Sex and the Supremacy of Christ awhile back, and it was talking about how those who are single right now are single for God's purpose. if relationships aren't working out and you're thinking "What am i doing wrong?" - it's not you, it's just not God's timing. i have to remember that. it's just not God's time right now. that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be, but it doesn't mean tomorrow will be. God's timing may be six years from now - God's timing may be never. i am erin marie and i have to figure out who the heck that is now after the past year - i'm certainly something, someone different than i was a year ago, certainly two years ago, and i need to let God show me who i am now, lest i keep slipping.

you know what's weird? every time i think of moving somewhere else, i just can't shake the feeling that i'm not done in Colorado Springs. God had a reason for bringing me here, and i haven't found it yet - but going anywhere else at this point would be a defeat. because there is something else to learn, someone else to meet, something else to accomplish, someone to reunite with before i leave. if i leave. i don't know.

i just have to wait.

erin.